B-Side

Jimmy: Yeah, there’s no B sides. Everyone only posts their greatest hits.
~ NCIS Season 14 Episode 13

Everyone has a B-side, we just don’t talk or post about it for various reasons. I am just as guilty of doing the same. I always thought that it was my practice of positive thinking that made me averse to expressing or sharing the negative part of my life but it’s more than that. I just don’t like to talk about it because it sounds like I had a hard life but in actual fact, I have a good life in comparison.

Comparison, that’s what all of us do. No matter how much we think that we act independently to others, we’re not. Part of me will always be comparing, most of the time about how good my life is in comparison to others that makes me feel awful talking about the shitty heartbreaking mentally draining days.

Behind every smile, there’s a story…

This time, I would like to share one of my B-side stories.

Last Christmas was a bitter sweet season. It was a year of constant change with the decision to stay put, get my climbing instructor certification and be back in full-time work. I was tired, almost ran myself to ground trying to keep up with my own expectations and just managed to hold my head above water.

Then a baffling and confusing action or inaction of a close friend happened, I went into a spiral of blaming myself and asking why I didn’t see it coming. Hurt, heartbroken and wary of life…it felt like it was the last tap on a cracked glass and I’m just waiting for the pieces to fall.

I held this back from everyone, thinking it was for the best but I was ready to crumble. I didn’t want to worry anyone with the morbid thoughts swimming through the stormy head of mine, so I just kept myself in check, as always, at times like these and try to deal with it on my own.

“I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it.” ~Maya Angelou

I decided to spend time with someone I knew I could trust and it turned out to be the sweetest Christmas ever. The Monks were the superglue I needed to restore the cracked glass. By the time I say goodbye, I was on my journey back to my positive focused self and ready to take on the new year.

Read about it on Christmas with the Monks.

When I was going through last December posts in FB and IG for this piece, I saw nothing that reflected how I felt. One post did give a bit of a hint, perhaps subconsciously I knew I needed the reassurance of who I am.

We all have a choice to make when things happen to us, even though when in the moment we might think we don’t. Talking about it helps us to move forward. Some of us may take a bit longer before we could talk about it but please, do talk about it with someone.

It’s been proven that it’s good to let the negativity out rather than internalising them until they form a fireball that is big enough to explode. Fireball and explosion, that’s my way. It’s usually the time when I go radio silent, trying to find the solid ground that I’m supposed to be on. Solace.

Something that we should be reminded of every now and again, social media is not real life. They are tools to strengthen connections we have in real life and they can be a source of inspirations but always remember this…most people posts only their greatest hits. To paraphrase, ‘behind every greatest hit, there’s a story’.

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt